where i am: october 2019

Wow - long time no see! It’s been almost two months since I actually published a blog post so this will serve as an update on what’s been going on with me since I’ve been away. It’s been a wild ride but I’m hanging in there!

Here’s a rundown of what I’ve been working with the last few months:

Big “breakthrough” realization that I was doing a LOT of efforting/forcing/trying in regards to the blog and the coaching business and it was completely unnecessary. My intuition said to stop - to literally stop all of it so that’s what I did.
Queue the ego kicking back up resistance that I thought I’d released already. Namely, what happens to my worth when I’m not working? I struggled harddddddd with the idea of not being of value if I wasn’t ‘doing’ anything. And fear of judgement for it too. I know this is not fully settled but I’m leaning into it. It just reiterated to me that I was blogging and coaching from a place of trying too hard. Strategizing, striving for growth, and looking for ways to be successful. All of this while thinking I was totally following my intuition. Not that I wasn’t to some extents, but the subconscious programming of “work so you’re valuable” was really running the show again.
Also, major fear of someone asking me what I do and not having a good answer 😂
I’ve felt a major nudge to check-in with my physical health which resulted in a decision to stop hormonal birth control as well as have some blood work done that identified a significant vitamin B deficiency. I’m working through both of these things though I know they’ll take time to full resolve.
So much fun was happening too! Helping teach a charcuterie class. Seb’s birthday. A girls wine weekend in Charlottesville. A mom/daughter trip to NYC to see To Kill a Mockingbird. A couples trip to Boston and our first live Abraham Hicks event! All in about a month! I’ve been busy even though I haven’t been busy!
After our summer of renovations in preparation for the engagement party we hosted, we needed to rest, but I did end up starting on a temporary solution for our old, tired, brown kitchen. I removed some of the dated pieces of the cabinet doors and painted the cabinets a dark teal that I am IN LOVE with. Seb installed a new (black!) kitchen sink and faucet. I found a rug that fits nicely in our square kitchen space and new hardware has been installed. Now, we just need to replace the vent hood and get the dining room rolling in time for Thanksgiving!
Somewhere in there my creativity really came back in full force. I’ve been sketching and brainstorming and seeing inspiration everywhere. It’s been a long time since I’ve really made art and it feels good to do it again just for fun! I’ve also got a fun new home project in the works that I’ll probably be documenting on Instagram because taking and editing pictures for blog posts is not my strong suit.

It’s been fascinating to be in a place that on the surface looks like a repeat of what I did last year when I quit my job but y’all it was HARDER. It was like a level up from what I dealt with before. And I’m totally not through it but I’ve done the requisite stepping away that I needed and now I’m in a better place to talk about it.

What’s next? I literally have no idea! I’ll probably blog sometimes when I feel like I want to? This whole thing is bonkers and I know not everyone understands it. I don’t even totally understand it. All I know is I’m making choices that feel right to me in the moment regardless of whether or not they make logical sense. Ya dig?