where i am: may 2019
I’m not going to lie, I’ve been struggling to write this month’s update and wanted to post it on Friday, but it took until today for the words to come. I am a generally happy and optimistic person and the last two weeks I haven’t felt like myself. Nothing in my life has changed, but all of a sudden it seemed like I couldn’t summon any of the hope + joy I normally feel. Luckily, I have the self-awareness to realize what was happening and the tools to deal with it. And today I feel a little better. I know I’m not out of the woods yet, but I feel hopeful (yay!) that things are looking up.
This experience has taught me a few things:
1. Life is not without negative emotions no matter how positive your mindset is.
I’ve been so fortunate over the last year or so. I’ve had some incredible experiences and opportunities. That has also afforded me a generally very positive and happy mentality. I’ve had no major losses or disappointments and so I blissfully forgot what it was like. It is not fun. But it was a reminder that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but there’s always more good around the corner.
2. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re right in the middle of it
Speaking of good around the corner, you 100% can’t see it when you’re smack in the middle of it. When things look really bleak, it’s not always possible to just ‘look on the bright side’ or one of those annoying clichés when you’re really low. Sometimes you just have to ride it out.
3. There is always an end to the tunnel
It’s important to remember that there’s always something better up ahead. Even when your worrying/anxious mind tries to tell you there’s not. Even if that something better is seemingly small. Make a list of good stuff that’s happened or is happening. Make a list of things you love. Make a list of what you can look forward to. The only way out is through.
4. You can find a lesson in anything if you choose to look for it
Maybe don’t try to look for a lesson when you’re in the thick of it, but on the far side, you can see things a little more clearly. For me, I know that rough patches make me stronger and more capable to help others deal with these situations. I also believe that sometimes hard emotions come up so we can work through and heal them. It’s definitely not easy, but it’s worth it.
5. Having tools to help yourself is REALLY IMPORTANT
Self-awareness is EVERYTHING. I was so easily able to see this rough patch for what it was - just some feelings which are not real and not permanent. I knew the things I could do to help myself (exercise, meditate, eat well, sleep, rest, feel the feelings but avoid dwelling on anxious thoughts) and started doing those things immediately. And I had a plan if these negative feelings kept persisting (aka a depressive episode). I will still likely see a doctor because I have a hunch this may be related to something off in my vitamin levels and better safe than sorry, but I’m SO GRATEFUL that I was able to course correct myself for the most part. I really believe that mindfulness is the best tool in my arsenal. It helps me daily with the big things and the small.
I’m not sure I really have anything beautiful or profound to say about all of this, but I wrote this post because authenticity is very important to me. I love my life, but I’ve had a hard few weeks and now I’m coming out of it. I know that these opportunities allow me to grow and learn. I’m better for them, but that doesn’t make them fun or glamorous. Growth often isn’t. It just it what it is.
And on a lighter note…here’s what I’m looking forward to this month:
Home renovations
More to come on this later this week, but we’ve changed gears a little on the house and I’m excited about it. I’ve gotten a lot done on the house the last two weeks (because of the above, I self-soothed/distracted with home projects) and I’m really motivated to get the downstairs more presentable which means things like drywall, flooring, and lotssssss of paint.
Sunshine
As I’ve mentioned before, vitamin D is my lifeblood so I’m excited to head to the beach with some friends for a few days and then spend some time at the lake on the weekends as well. We just got countertops for the lake renovation and I feel like once those are installed, we’re in working order for the summer and can enjoy our time there while also finishing everything up.
Learning
I’m back in a period of learning after a month of doing and it feels nice. I’m currently working through two different courses (one business and one personal development) that are very much helping my mindset recover!
Usually I would do a what I’m working on section, but I’m going to skip that piece today. I spend so much of my time thinking about how to improve myself, sometimes it’s good to just let things be enough and today is one of those days. Happy Monday, friends!
