how to kick fear in the face
Last week we talked about self-sabotage and how it’s almost always routed in fear. Well what do you do to beat the fear and stop self-sabotaging? You kick it in the face.
How do you kick it in the face?
Find your brand of fear
Everyone’s fears are a little different though there are some common themes that are typically routed in our base needs for survival and upholding society’s expectations.
· Fear of judgement
· Fear of not being enough
· Fear of uncertainty
· Fear of getting hurt
· Fear of failure
There’s probably at least one in there you’ve had some experience with. These are a few core fears but sometimes our personal fears are more nuanced. For example, maybe you fear judgement of one specific person or group of people but could care less about what most people think. Maybe you fear getting hurt in friendships but are super confident in romantic relationships. Maybe you fear failure in your partnership but are taking wild risks in business.
Regardless, get cozy with whatever it is. Think about it up, down, and sideways. The more familiar you are with exactly what your fear is, the easier it will be to recognize and combat it.
2. Work through it
Okay so this is about the broadest action item I could ever give you, but I did it for a reason. I think each person and situation calls for a tailored approach which is why it’s so important to stay in tune with your needs. Here are a few different things you can test out for yourself:
· Journaling – get to the bottom of the fear
· Healing modalities – reiki, RTT, acupuncture, sound baths, yoga
· Connecting to intuition – via meditation or any other method
Sometimes just recognizing the fear is enough for us to move past it, but other times we need to know more. Here’s my favorite series of questions to ask myself when I’m dealing with fear or a limiting belief.
1. What exactly is this fear?
2. Where did it stem from? Did something in my past create this conditioning?
3. What triggered it?
4. What is the worst-case scenario if it comes true?
5. What is the best-case scenario if it doesn’t come true?
6. What is my desired outcome? What would I rather feel/believe?
3. Build your courage muscle
Obviously, it’s great to work through the fear but fear doesn’t ever totally go away so you have to build your courage muscle! You have to decide to move past it even when it’s staring you right in the face. What this means is picking one thing that you know will scare the bejesus out of you and decide to do it anyway. Literally think of something that seems scary and put it on your to-do list. When I left my job, I was terrified of what other people would think so I saddled up to Instagram and told everyone I know. I did the same thing when I first started my business. Being courageous takes practice. It gets easier and easier to do hard + scary things the more often you do them. If you’re generally a big scaredy-cat, I dare you to do one scary thing a day for a month. Your courage muscle will be so strong afterwards!
Building this courage muscle is important for stopping yourself from self-sabotaging because it allows you to see what you’re doing and decide to do something different. Stopping yourself from making moves in business because you fear what change success will bring to your life? Kick that fear in the face and make those moves. Holding back your needs from a friend because you’re afraid of losing them? Kick the fear in the face and say what you need to say. You see where I’m going here. Knowing your fear allows you to make the decision to move past it instead of allowing it to hold you back. Fear is the enemy of growth, joy, love – and basically all good things.
Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. – George Addair
This quote is so true and the best part is you have total control over whether you get to the other side. All you have to do is kick fear in the face!