my thoughts on marriage: year 1
I don’t talk much about my relationship with Sebastian here or on social media. I am so in love with the partnership we’ve built and don’t necessarily want or need validation of our relationship. Sometimes it’s nice to have something that’s just for you. But coming up on our 1st anniversary, I wanted to cement a few of my thoughts and feelings for me to look back on later. I know that I’m not an expert on marriage by any means, but I do feel that we’re really good at being married to each other and I wanted to share my biggest takeaways from our time together thus far.
Your feelings are primarily your responsibility.
No one can force you to feel a certain way. Your reactions are within your control. That means you absolutely can decide not to overreact, lash out, or snip at your partner. It means that you can decide to calmly + rationally communicate what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it (even if that means taking time away to process first). Seeing the situation for what it is helps you solve things together instead of standing on opposite sides of an argument. I firmly believe that my + Sebastian’s ability to fight well (rationally, fairly, without emotional outbursts) is the #1 best thing about our marriage.
Be considerate of your partner’s needs
You’re partners and as such you should be a priority for each other. In regards to #1 above, when you’re not seeing eye to eye, consider where they’re coming from and how they’re feeling. Also, recognize when you’ve done something that has elicited a negative emotional response for them and how you can change your actions to help prevent it in the future. And if you haven’t taken the 5 love languages test…go ahead and get that out of the way. Being intentional about showing love the way your partner feels it most is important! I don’t encourage loving your partner at the expense of yourself, but I think that their needs/feelings/hopes/dreams should be almost as close to your heart as your own.
Have some fun
Life gets busy and we forget that the whole point is to enjoy it! Even the fun things can turn into work if you’re not careful. In those instances, we like to mix it up! Instead of just normal together time of home projects + dinners out, we’ll try to do something we haven’t done in a while like make breakfast together, watch a movie, or go to a local game/event. One of the most fun things we’ve done together was go horseback riding, so that’s on our list to repeat again soon! Also, we routinely dance in the kitchen which is my #1 tip for a quality marriage, if you were wondering 😊 The point is, don’t let it get boring and don’t take it for granted. Make enjoying your relationship + partner a priority so that marriage doesn’t become a chore.
“Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Lathe of Heaven
In the interest of fun, here are a few fun facts about our first year of marriage:
Seb bought us tickets to Disney on Ice and we were some of the only people there without kids.
We moved almost on accident. We went to see a house ‘just for fun’ which turned into a real house hunt. We are truly not sure what to do with ourselves when we don’t have home projects to work on.
Seb lives by our shared google calendar + project list. I always forget to add things on. Are we surprised by either of those things? Not a bit
We were soooooo happy that wedding planning was over. It was the greatest day and the best party, but planning it was not our idea of fun.
Seb had never had allergies in his life before he went to Italy (for our honeymoon).
We don’t like to create extra dishes for ourselves, so we sometimes eat off the same plate or share a drink. Is that weird? Maybe but we don’t care.
We accidentally match all the time. What can we say, we both like blue button ups!