learning to allow
My intention for this year was to allow. To let go of resistance and let in all of the manifestations I’ve been attracting. I don’t think I thought it would be hard. I was wrong.
I think when you set an intention, the Universe does what it can to help that intention along and sometimes that means experiencing things you might not necessarily enjoy. For instance, I told you guys a little about how I’ve been struggling a little in this post. I honestly had gone through a roller coaster of negative emotions in the span of about 3 weeks. I had highs too, but I had some of the lowest lows I’d seen in a long time.
I was feeling desperate to have a decent income stream of my own. I was so frustrated and pissed off that I wasn’t growing more in my business. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I was totally doubting my ability which in turn caused me to doubt everything I’ve learned about the universe and universal law (gasp). Basically, I had a mini crisis of faith.
From that low state, I realized something. If all else failed, I could find other ways to make money. I could go back to a traditional job. Or I could find a nannying gig. I could run the blog on the side. Or I could quit. I didn’t have to force it to work. I could do things the way I used to. I was sure enough of myself that I knew I could figure it out.
I went through the process of giving up.
And something strange happened. Once I took away the idea that my world would end if I couldn’t make this work, it stopped being such a big deal. It’s like most of my doubt just went out the door. I had put undue pressure on my business to be my end all be all and removing that pressure lifted me out of the fog.
Sidenote: sometimes it’s funny how I can write about something I’m going through on this little blog and BOOM it gets better. It’s like releasing it into the internet makes room for something better to come in.
Another thing that happened simultaneously is that I realized that maybe this was all happening for a reason. Maybe I needed to go through this for something better to come out of it. Maybe it was all part of the process and this dark spot was just preparing me for something new and big manifesting in my life. I still don’t know exactly what that is yet, but isn’t that a more hopeful thought? It certainly helped me get back to myself.
And now that I am looking at it more clearly, isn’t it possible that all of this happened just to help me let go and allow. I had to reach my breaking point to realize that everything is working in my favor and I don’t have to try so dang hard. It feels SO MUCH BETTER.
I think that allowing will be an ongoing lesson in my life. I don’t think it’s just something ‘get’ and never think about again. I think it’s a muscle of faith and I’m happy to be exercising it even when it’s hard.
Maybe I’ll never make a livable income from this business. Maybe I’ll go back to work. Maybe I’ll be a millionaire. Whatever way it shakes out, I’m so glad I’ve allowed it to be what it is.