where i am: september 2018

As mentioned last post, I'm roughly 2 months post 'normal' employment and I want to give you an honest account of where my head is and has been for the past two months. 

  • Wow! This is great...so much free time!

  • Maybe a little too much free time

  • Nope, this is great. I can't believe I didn't do this sooner.

  • I feel so good about this! I can't wait to see where the universe takes me.

  • Man, I wish I felt more like 'getting things done' like grocery shopping

  • I'm so excited for how many blocks i'm working through and how much progress I'm making!

  • I swear I'm barely doing anything these days.

  • Why don't I have a big idea yet?

  • Ugh I don't have any idea what I'm doing and I'm never going to figure it out.

  • I'm in a good place financially, there's no hurry so just calm down already and stop worrying.

All this to say, it's been fun and challenging in a good way, but I've still definitely had bad days. And as I've mentioned previously, sometimes bad days provide more contrast than they used to. I went from having mediocre days with bad swings to having really good days most of the time and that just means it's more apparent when I'm not in the zone. 

I've been working with a life coach (can't recommend this enough by the way) and every time I talk with her, I feel really good about my direction and about 3 days later, my enthusiasm wanes and I'm back to doubting myself and my path. I was talking with her specifically about this pattern and how the more I do it, the worse the cycle is becoming. She basically led me to the conclusion that I'm still expecting validation and not getting it because I'm not giving it to myself so it's hard for me to stay connected to my goals since they're not necessarily concrete yet and there's no one backing me up on a daily basis. 

SO....I've got to start getting better at that for myself. No one else can tell me I'm doing the right thing, because this is my life and my decision. On a good day, these are not thoughts I even worry about because i'm all high on "YES MY LIFE IS AWESOME" but on bad days, I have trouble keeping the faith. Needless to say, this is one thing I'm working on. My plan for this: 

  • Try to remember the bigger picture when I feel doubt creeping in

  • Remind myself to practice self-assurance (methods on this currently in testing)

  • Meditate already! Because usually bad days aren't started off on the right foot. Resetting the day with meditation always helps, but I tend to forget that.

  • Do the things you know make you feel good - walking, hydrating, dancing

  • Feel your feelings, but be mindful of when you're using them as a procrastination tool

  • If all else fails, just get something done. Sometimes a little positive momentum is all you need.

On that note, I'm trying to be a little more intentional with my mornings. I'm picking one thing to get done for the day. I'm getting up, getting ready, and tackling one small thing around the house like cleaning the kitchen or prepping for a project. 

Other things I'm currently working on: 

  • Working past self-doubt. Everything I've read about my personality, horoscope, etc says that I struggle with letting this stop me more than most people.

  • Looking at this project as a job. More to come in a future post on this, but basically, I really feel this is the best first step and I want to take that seriously. You get what you give!

  • Intentional manifestation. I'm not always great at keeping the habits of visualizations up and I want to get better about that.

  • Uncovering additional blocks. Sometimes I forget to keep looking (and to be honest, sometimes I'm just tired of stuff coming up), but I want to keep rolling with the finding and releasing of emotional limitations because who needs that ish.

Things I'm deliberately creating: 

  • Continued confidence in my 'career' direction

  • Income generated by this project on a recurring basis

  • A close friendship that will support me in this work

  • Physical manifestation of my ideal body

So after all that....I think I've discovered I like to make lists! Leave a comment here with any thoughts or feelings about this gigantic ramble about my life! 

september 2018 update bracey by design